Watch the skies! Millman Street Community Centre recently fought off an alien invasion. It’s a wonder that this didn’t make the national news – but Brexit, Trump and the antics of reality TV ‘celebrities’ naturally take precedent in the media.
As for the invasion, the otherwordly ne’er-do-wells turned up in Holborn in a brass-coloured disc (which, cynics say, looks suspiciously like a close-up of an old ashtray). The thin, faceless robotic-looking occupants stormed (or rather pootered slowly) into the Centre, gibbering in a clanky-voiced approximation of English, chilling members with their extraterrestrial demands:
“Fibre!” they cried, in no way sounding the least like Daleks, “Fibre!”
Surmising that the alien hordes were jealous of our succulent human bodies, quick-witted HCA members soon deciphered this as bloodlust for human flesh, rich as it is in fibre and all goodly organic things.
A titanic struggle [not pictured] ensued, and it was touch and go for a while, until the resistance shooed the metal maniacs out into the Millman Street Garden. Of course, this being Britain in the early Spring, the invaders were soon rusting after the downpour of rain that started bucketing down. The Great British weather had saved the day.
As for our heroic members, they – to a man and woman- declined to be named after their heroics. Not due to aversion to medals for gallantry, but just in case the ‘Fibremen’ (as they were soon dubbed) should return during a more temperate spell weather and seek to avenge their fallen comrades. The fiends!
Fortunately, the typical ‘summer’ weather in Britain is unlikely to afford them much of a chance. But you never know.
And where, may you ask, was HCA’s reporter during the failed invasion? In the aftermath of our members’ victory, he claimed to have fought bravely alongside them. However, witnesses swear that his first reaction on seeing the Fibremen was to abandon humanity and try to ingratiate himself with “Our new, metallic alien overlords,” as the snivelling wretch was heard to call them as he grovelled, pleading for his life. He denies this, of course, in the wake of the human victory.
An official HCA investigation into the incident is soon to commence; one perhaps lengthy enough to allow the accursed collaborator to evade justice. For now at least.
Meanwhile, watch the skies. And don’t be so quick to moan when it rains….
Poxy photos, cowardice and collaboration by Notes Smudger