Today (16th August) sees the fortieth anniversary of the death of Elvis Presley, the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll. Or does it? Over the four decades since Elvis’ demise, there have been a number of claims that the King lived beyond 1977, subsequently ekeing out a living in unlikely professions around the world. Among the most curious of such claims must surely have come from a young Kirsty MacColl, who in 1981 maintained that There’s A Guy Works Down The Chipshop Swears He’s Elvis. She even set her claim to music and publicised it via the pop charts and appearances on television on music shows like Top Of The Pops. No evidence of anyone fitting Elvis’ description and/or humming renditions of Blue Suede Shoes or Hound Dog while serving up portions of saveloy and chips to inebriates after the pubs chucked out emerged, however.
And what has this to do with Holborn or the Mysteries of Holborn, you may ask? Is it, perhaps, another tenuous link to mysteries said to proliferate elsewhere that this reporter has co-opted to fit into his local-to-Holborn remit? Has there, in fact, ever been a single report of anyone claiming to see Elvis alive and well in – or anywhere near – Holborn since 1977?
Well no. Not until today, that is. And any suspicions that such a ‘sighting’ should coincide with both the 40th anniversary of the King’s demise and your HCA hack’s need of a new Mysteries of Holborn article to pad out the blog are completely unfounded.
So where was this so-called ‘sighting’? And who claims to have sighted it? [Er, sighted him?; y’know, Elvis?] Why, the answer is yet another coincidence: For the sighter, as it were, is none other than he-who-is-short-of-a-Mysteries of Holborn-article – to whit, this reporter, of course. The inky-fingered fool claims to have seen Elvis on his way into work this morning, in the Millman Street Centre garden.
Hmm. Tending the hollyhocks, was he? And what did he say, this ‘Elvis’?
Er, something along the lines of “Bless my soul,” and “What’s wrong with me?”
Did he really? Next you’ll be telling us he was itching. Like a man. On a fuzzy tree…
Funny you should say that. He did look a bit peaky and –
Enough. And did HCA’s inglorious hack, in this day and age when almost everyone has a camera phone handy at all times to take irrefutable proof of things, take a photo to ‘prove’ his (latest) dubious claim?
No, of course, not. However, not content with, ahem, ‘journalism’ the wretch also imagines that he can draw, and so swiftly knocked off the following sketch of ‘Elvis’ (fuzzy tree not included):
Well, readers, what do you think? Uncanny likeness of King Elvis? Or the usual Mysteries of Holborn cobblers…?
This article, while clearly poppycock, has been produced to honour the music of Elvis, and is dedicated to HCA volunteer Pat, who remains one of his biggest fans. She gives her approval of this article.
Nonsense by Notes Smudger