Today, Millman Street Community Centre was the site of an intriguing discovery. For it seemed that the Holborn-based charity’s garden was built upon a diamond mine, and that precious jewels were freely spewing to the surface.
At least, this was the assumption leapt to by the discoverer of a horde of bling – your HCA reporter. He further surmised that said horde had seeped into our dimension via the Holborn Dodecahedron, and, satisfied that this were proof enough, neglected any scientific-type rigorous investigation into its provenance.
He wasted no time in documenting his discovery (see the photo above) before further non-wastage of time scuttling off to nearby Hatton Garden with the collection of precious jewels in his grasping mitts, and dollar signs in his eyes.
“I’m rich!” he was heard to cry as he departed, “Rich beyond the dreams of avarice!”
It seemed that there were immediately plans for a gold-encrusted top hat, a limousine, a solid gold mansion and other such vulgarly ostentatious displays of undeserved wealth.
However, it also seems that our worthless wordsmith was forgetting something: That, even if found to be genuine, the horde was discovered on land that does not belong to him…
In any case, the shameless mercenary later slinked back to the Centre, decidedly top hat-less, limousine-less, and somewhat sheepishly mumbling that the tomfoolery experts of Hatton Garden had been unanimous in their verdict of the worth of his “priceless” horde: the ‘diamond’ and ‘other jewels’ he had discovered were, in fact, of cheap plastic; apparently discarded in the Millman Street garden by litter-bugs unknown.
The experts’ guffaws ringing in his still-poverty stricken lugholes, our hopeless hack’s blushes were still sufficient to brighten up the Centre during a brief lull in the sunshine later that day…
Of course, the, erm, ‘real’ latest strangeness to issue from the Holborn Dodecahedron was the following collection of macabre, featureless faces later spotted in the Centre:
Again, our easily-duped scribbler was immediately convinced that the grotesque heads were some sort of unholy chimera; a monstrous hybrid of man and old newspapers that had somehow come to life and, via the Dodecahedron, were planning some sort of sci-fi malarkey. In Holborn. For some reason…
Ahem. It turns out the papier mache heads are actually part of one of Lene’s Arts and Crafts workshops for our members, as modelled by David (below). Details are scant at present, but it seems another art project is under way, which, when completed, will be reported on properly. If a proper journo can be persuaded to do so…
Lene’s Arts and Crafts workshops take place at Millman Street Community Centre each Monday between 10am and 12 noon.
Photo of David: Sarah; other pics and nonsense by Notes Smudger